September 11th, 2001...

Did you weep for the children who lost their dear loved ones
And pray for the ones who don't know?
Did you rejoice for the people who walked from the rubble
And sob for the ones left below?
Did you burst out in pride for the red, white and blue
And the heroes who died just doin' what they do?
Did you look up to heaven for some kind of answer
And look at yourself and what really matters? 

~ Alan Jackson

This day is seared in my mind... I was driving past the MSP airport on my way to work listening to the radio when the first plane hit... Traffic was at a standstill on 494... I thought that there was an accident, but there were so many cars pulled over and then they announced it on the radio.  Of course in the beginnning everyone thought it was an accident, until the second plane hit.  I finally made it to work, but since I worked as a group home supervisor, I had to calm some of my staff and clients down.  The whole day, I tried to reach my family but cell lines were all busy.  All of us just sat and watched what was unfolding before our eyes. We didn't know yet that this was the act of terrorists... As my day drew to a close, I felt that I needed to go somewhere to pray and process what happened.  I found a small Catholic church were I was able to sit and be by myself... I felt afraid, vulnerable, but mostly alone.  However, looking back, if it wasn't for September 11th, 2001, some key things in my own life would not have happened.   Bill reminded me the other day that even though it was a horrible tragedy, there were positives in our own lives out of the pain.

If September 11th, 2001 had not happened, I would have never:

1) Felt strong enough to go through my divorce.  From a strange perspective, this day among many helped me realize that my ex-husband was more selfish than I had ever thought.  The day this happened, he refused to come to where I was, in another state because, "he had things to do"... As I look back at it now, it was a pretty big sign that something was wrong.

2) Met my husband.  If September 11th had never happened, Bill would not have deployed, been sent to Iraq and we probably would have never met.  We met while he was on his first deployment via the internet. With that said, Chloe would not have been born. We wouldn't be living in Ellsworth and I probably would still be working on my masters degree or at least thinking about it. I would probably be an old maid with a bazillion cats.

3) Bill would not be back in school.  He was eligible for the Post 9/11 GI Bill that has benefited so many veterans.  Without this, he might have gone back to school but for a very different degree instead of engineering.  Since he was assigned to an engineering unit the last deployment, he found a love for it, that would not have happened otherwise.

4) Have met so many wonderful friends.  Many people I have met have been through the military since 9/11.  I doubt that without 9/11, there would be so many of my own friends and family in the military. I honestly believe that things might be incredibly different for me and them in maybe a not-so positive way if 9/11 had never happened. I am a firm believer in the fact that things happen for a reason.

5) Grown up.  Yes, I was an adult, but I looked at the US very differently than I do now.  I was somewhat naive and thought that most people, for the most part were good.  I have now found that people for the most part are bad (human nature) and being able to discern the good from the bad is a good skill to have. I understand what it means to love your neighbor based on what I saw and have seen since that day.

6) Bought our house and other things.  The Army has helped us financially due to the fact that Bill has been deployed and on orders several times.  I also believe that he would not have chosen warrant officer school, if 9/11 had not happened. We owe the Army a lot because it has been our bread and butter for the last few years and Bill's for almost 14 years. Without TriCare, our bill for having Chloe would be astronomical (if we had even had her if 9/11 had never happened).

7) A strong sense of duty to my country and my fellow man/woman. Though several people we have known have died indirectly due to 9/11, I am so grateful to have been able to know them or about them. I wake up everyday proud of the sacrifices that common people make each day to protect and defend us.  From the firefighters to police officers to the military, I am grateful to each and every one of them. Though I do not love war (who does?), there are many, many positives in my own life that came out of that day.

So why did I write this post? Because I think that it is very important that in the midst of total grief and devastation, it is important to see the positives of each and every situation. I am not happy that thousands of people lost their lives, that there are people who want to destroy us and our country. But I am grateful that there wasn't more destruction, that there was happiness in the midst of the storm and that I will NEVER forget.