So lately, I have been realizing that my body is trying to adjust to the weight loss. Some days are great, and other days not so great. The physical toll that my body was put under by the excess weight was horrible, but the after effects are not so pretty either. Right now, my muscles are trying to adjust to less weight with leads to some major cramping even though I am taking my vitamins and supplements. I also am having back pain, and headaches due to the changes in my posture and hip placement. Though the weight loss is awesome, I am getting sick and tired of being sick and tired.
Today is one of those days... I am a bit discouraged because starting yesterday, I have had a migraine for over 24 hours. I can't take Excedrine Migraine like I used to and the Imitrex shot makes my heart race so I usually don't use it unless I am dying or Bill is home because I feel like I am having a heart attack. Yesterday I also broke out in an unknown rash which could be allergy related or could be stress/immune related. I used to get these types of hives when I was younger due to stress. Though my migraines are not as bad as they once were, they still are quite debilitating. I had an inservice today for work and the chairs were so uncomfortable but I managed to make it through the day.
So why am I telling you all this? Because as I promised before I started this journey, I would expose the good and the bad about gastric bypass. This is one of those bad days. It should be a better day because my family is up North and I have the house to myself, but here I sit, writing my blog while I wait for this headache to go away....
So what else do I have to adjust to? Well surprisingly enough, I have to adjust to how people treat and react to me. I was not always this size... I was about 135 pounds until my Grandmother Rosalie died and my divorce. So I did get some attention when I was younger... I am just still amazed as I have mentioned before, that we as a society are so biased against large or obese people. I think that people need to be aware that people who are overweight or obese are aware of these biases. We stay in our homes and concentrate on things that we can control to make ourselves feel better. My outlet was my education. My theory was, I may be fat, but I AM intelligent. I also have been blessed with a decent amount of self esteem. It has been noted by many of my friends that even when I was heavier, I looked and was put together. My belief was that even though I was a "big" girl, that didn't mean that I had to sacrifice nice or pretty things solely because I was obese. So I didn't. However, some people have been so discriminated again for their weight, that they don't even try anymore. How sad is that? Not that they quit per se but that they are so discouraged that they quit caring.
How do I feel about overweight or obese people? I have compassion... When I was younger, I did not. I thought that people who were heavier were lazy and other things. I truly believe that my gaining weight was a life lesson and God teaching me not to judge others because I didn't know, "their story". Yes, since I am an ethnic mix, I am not biased against other races. I have worked with people with disabilities and had relatives with disabilities, so I am not biased against them either. I was raised to accepting, but I am ashamed to say that I was not okay with heavier people.... Until I was one and then my perspective changed SIGNIFICANTLY. There is truth in the Native American saying, "Before you judge someone, walk a mile in their moccasins (shoes)". Am I happy that I had to walk in someone else's shoes? No way!!! It was very painful. I honestly believe that I was treated differently because of my weight. But now I have a different perspective on what it means to obese or morbidly obese in today's society.
We are slammed with media touting how being almost anorexic is the way to be. So no wonder people have biases. I am still adjusting to those biases. People are talking to me or looking at me in ways that they have not in years. It is a bit uncomfortable because I have been spending the last 10 years trying to hide and to not be seen. If I wasn't good enough to talk to then, then why am I good enough to talk to now? It's a weird thing to watch unfold... On the flip side, I have also encountered people who have no problem spreading rumors. I stay heavy, people talk... I lose weight, people talk... Some days it is discouraging because the negative comments always seem to get back to me. However, I will say that so many people have been supportive of me, so that cancels out all of the toxic people, to a point!
So let me end this with saying, thank you to everyone who has supported me. I truly appreciate it! I will have my good days and my bad days, but I am still me. I am hopeful for my future and enjoy the ability to continue to educated people about gastric bypass and my journey. Remember, it is not always, about the journey, it is the destination, but sometimes to appreciate the destination, you have to reflect on the journey.
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