Recently, I did a complete overhaul of my friends list and cleaned out about 300 people that either, I never talked to, never talked or responded to me, irritated me to no end with their internet begging, or just plain I really saw no sense in keeping them on my page. I predicted that most wouldn't notice since they don't interact with me, but I pegged a few as the ones that when they finally noticed, they would get all bent out of shape because I wasn't their "friend" anymore. For the most part, I figured that they would get over it and realize that after all it IS social media. Yeah, I was wrong...
Now you have to realize that I have a lot going on right now. I was recently promoted at work, which means I have more duties, responsibilities etc. My husband is also in officer's training with the Army, I am still working on my doctorate, concentrating on losing weight, keeping my house clean and all the things that go with owning your own home, and raising my three year old. I still have the occasional fibro flare up, but mostly my life is pretty stressful and so I work hard to eliminate "extra" stress, which is why I deleted some people in the first place.
So back to the part where I was wrong. I was lying in bed with a horrible migraine. I had been up until 5am for the past two nights grading papers. My husband was packing to leave for Alabama. I got an alert on my phone that someone had friend requested me. Evidently one of the people who I had deleted had friend requested me again. I ignored it... until the texts came in... So one by one the texts basically told me how I was a bad person for deleting them (ok....), and how they thought we were friends (uh-huh), how they were a good person and that I was mean and if I was a real Christian that I would know this. I interpreted it as this... I deleted 300 people a month ago and you are JUST now noticing this- yeah you only care about the numbers....
I don't care if someone is a good person or not, if you don't meet the criteria that I stated earlier it isn't happening. All I have to say is when people try to bully or manipulate me into either a fight or an answer, you are going to get the opposite. I am a fighter alright, but I only fight for things that are worth my time. This isn't worth my time. My feeling is that if this is how a person treats their friends, then there is no reason to stay friends with them. I basically ignored the last text to spend time with my family and get rid of the migraine. Oh but it got better...
So against my better judgment, I reaccepted them as a friend, only to read on their Facebook wall that not only were they talking about me to other people (I guess texting them as well and hopefully it wasn't as rude and immature as the texts that were sent to me were), but evidently I was "mean" and they were praying for me. Oh, and that my actions were hurtful... How is deleting a Facebook friend, "hurtful". I didn't go and physically harm them... I don't get it... This was also brought to my attention by my husband, who I was showing all of the texts to and saying, "Seriously, people have lost their minds! A good friend would know that I don't respond well to whining and manipulation". He agreed, because he knows that I don't have time for people who act like this. And seriously, once you are out of my life (especially when you do this) you are out for good. I don't have time for games and I certainly don't have time for pettiness and childish nature of this whole thing.
That isn't really even the point... The point is, we all have a choice in who and who we do not have in our lives. This person even had the nerve to tell me that because of personal circumstances that they took a break from Facebook, but as I looked at their page, I saw quite the opposite. I don't do well with people who fabricate things to further their cause, it just makes me run the opposite direction. I also do not do well with people who claim to be Christ followers, questioning my Christianity and using Scripture and prayer as a weapon. Like I am going to change because you question my Christianity? It might work for some, but I have confidence in where I stand in my faith and salvation. My self worth doesn't depend on if you like me or not. It depends on how I feel about MYSELF! Once again, when someone questions that, it starts to make me wonder if their own insecurities are coming out and they are placing them on me. I have a hard time with people pleasers because in trying to please others, they are not true to themselves and appear to be fickle and fake- exactly the type of people I don't want to be around because I know that they would have no problem throwing me under the bus for their own gain.
As for me being mean and my actions hurting others. Seriously, it is FACEBOOK for gosh sake!!!! I value my friends, but getting bent out of shape over losing a Facebook friend isn't that big of a deal. It happens! How about losing a friend to suicide or in a war? Or losing a friend to cancer or unknown causes? Those are reasons to get upset. Getting upset and being rude because someone deleted you from Facebook is trivial compared to those things. And if it has taken someone over a month to realize that you are gone, why is it that big of a deal? We are in an age where people don't value personal relationships and friendships. We are also dealing with a generation of people who do not realize that not everyone has to like you or even be friends with you. Honestly in life, people come and go and we have to be ok with it. It's a personal choice if people even want to socialize with one another and instead of just sucking it up and driving on, we demand that they be our friends and validate their feelings because we are being unjust and "mean"! Honestly, I am tired of it and I am not wasting my time on it anymore.
A real friend, doesn't care if you don't spend all your time with them. A real friend values your opinion, but also doesn't fly off the handle when you tell them the truth. I would much rather have 2 REAL friends than 1000 fake Facebook friends! And..... after all this drama, the person in question decided to delete me from their Facebook friend's list Oh and my feelings are so hurt, as you can tell. :) Actually I am glad and it shows me their true reasons and intentions. Of course, if I were to take the same tone with them that they did with me, it would be a completely different story.
So why am I mentioning this? Because I see this behavior day in and day out in education. This sense of entitlement and you "owe" me something. If I do not conform to what you think I should do or be, then you will use what ever means necessary to manipulate and guilt me. What most people haven't figured out is that most of us "strong" women, do not need people to validate us or to even help us with our confidence and self esteem. We realized a long time ago that people are fickle and that friends will come and go, but those who truly value us and our opinions are worth keeping around. The others are quite literally just, "noise". I truly have other things to worry about than how someone feels because I deleted them off of Facebook. In my world, people are dying and there are so many world issues that need to be addressed rather than the high school world, that Facebook can mimic sometimes.
How about worry about the injustices of human trafficking, world hunger, housing shortages, or children in countries as young as 3 with guns and fighting in puppet armies? No we focus on "she doesn't like me" and waste our energy on those things, while forgetting the things that matter... Like our children. What example are we setting for them? Grown adults whining and crying for attention and you don't think that will carry from one generation to the next? Why are we basically not teaching them that not everyone wins and not everyone will like you, but you can still survive and succeed? This is a mystery to me!
Point blank: I will not be bullied or manipulated into changing my stance on something when people talk about me. See the great thing about confidence and being able to speak your mind, is that you really don't care about what people think about you. I do take into consideration people's feelings to a point, but it burns me that people think that by calling me mean I will cave. If my three year old calls me that and I don't cave, I won't cave for someone who uses it as a weapon. Call it selfishness... I call it self preservation. Being true to myself and my ideals.
So what is the lesson in this? I am still me and I won't change for anyone. Manipulation gets you no where. Hypocrisy bothers me and will not be tolerated. Being a Christian doesn't mean that you are a pushover and that you will cave to people who question your Christianity. And lastly, take a lesson from this, if you find yourself doing this and you have children, do what you can to stop it. Otherwise, you do them a great disservice when they get into the real world as adults. I know that I am going to work harder at letting Chloe know that it is okay for people NOT to like you. In fact, having trials and adversities makes you a stronger person and if you spend your whole life trying to please everyone, you will eventually lose yourself. There is a nugget of truth in "to thine ownself, be true"... Think about it!
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