Day Before Surgery...

Growth is the only evidence of life.  ~John Henry Newman, Apologia pro vita sua, 1864

If you follow my other blog, you know that I posted about the process.  I suppose I should link these both up so that you can read about the process... The beginning.... Then you can read back here for the continuation.  I have done this for two reasons: 1) I want my family life to be about my family and not all about me and 2) Most people who are wanting to learn about the process from someone who is going through it might not want to hear about my two-year old's bathroom habits (LOL).

So here I sit with a 32 oz container of Gatorade with 4 oz of Miralax... I feel like I am going to be executed because last night was bsically my last meal for a long time. So I asked for something healthy right?  Nope!  I ate a burger and fries... Big mistake because my body said, "hey what is this CRAP that you are feeding me?" and rebelled.  This is due to the fact that I DO eat healthy even though I am overweight and my body is not used to so much fat at one time.  My friend, Beth explained it as the "grieving process"... I am grieving my ability to eat whatever I want when I want (to a point).  Through the process I have done everything in regards to diet and nutrition that was suggested, down to not drinking with meals and sipping my liquids.  I guess last night was a way to rebel one last time because tomorrow, the rules of the game change significantly.

As I write this I am not scared, but hopeful.  Hopeful that my weightloss will cause my blood pressure to drop, that my fibromyalgia will not be as painful, and lastly that people realize that I am more than my weight.  I am also hopeful that I will be around for my husband and daughter.  I realize that changing my attitude, thoughts, and even motivators will change my thinking about this whole process later on.  I also plan on rewarding myself without food as well.  In fact, I rewarded myself for not chickening out with a new pair of shoes from DSW! (Sorry but I had to throw some humor in for good measure)!!!!