Relationships are what you make of them. You can nurture them so they can grow or you can neglect them and reap the consequences! ~ Me
I have a very dear friend from the neighborhood that I grew up in, who has been a great source of information about weight loss surgery from a male perspective. We recently had a conversation revolving around a statistic that has been thrown around by mental health professionals. According to what I was told in my pre-surgical counseling, "85% of people in a relationship BEFORE gastric bypass will chose to end the relationship or see if fail in way one or another". Of course, we also know that about 50% of all marriages fail and about 75% of military marriages fail, as well as 75% of second marriages fail. The stats are not looking too good for me at the moment because according to all of this, I am at a 70% chance for my marriage to fail.... HOW COMFORTING!!!! But if you know me, I have beat the odds more than once in my life. I should have died before I turned 2. I should not have finished college. At one time in my life, there were people (I won't name names), who bet that I would be pregnant before I was 16 (you have to be able to have boys AROUND to even have sex to get pregnant... DUH)!!!! So I am taking this in stride, but I am listening to people who speak from experience, to learn but not be fearful, but proactive.
According to my friend of 25 (almost 26) years, the reason why the marriages fail (and he speaks from experience) is because the person someone married is not the person that they end up with. In other words, my husband married a bigger woman and he loved me as a bigger woman but there may be times where I get attention that he and I are not used to or prepared for. Thankfully, Bill is aware of this and has been my biggest supporter, even going as far as to research my options, so that he was aware of the issues and complications of weight loss surgery. This friend also pointed out that I am really blessed to have such a wonderful husband and that he would hurt me if I did anything to mess up my relationship with my husband (so much for being MY friend, lol).
Though I know that this won't happen to us, I am really listening to my friend. He does have an excellent point that statistics don't lie. I am in agreement but I also know that there is room for 15% of marriage and relationships to succeed. He also told me things in regards to relationships that will be helpful from a male perspective. He mentioned that if someone (as I start getting thinner) starts to hit on me, that I should first be aware (if you know me, I NEVER notice when I am getting hit on until someone tells me), but then validate my HUSBAND'S feeling for me by getting closer to him. Evidently, it has to do with a man's need to be needed. If you know me, I am VERY independent and I have sacrificed some of that for my husband's ego to a point. He needs to feel needed and even though I am perfectly capable of handling things on my own, I let him do things for me. In fact, it is a joke in our house when I ask him to do something, "Oh what happened to Miss Independent? Why don't YOU do such and such?", when I ask him for help with or to do something.
I guess I am mentioning this because I have already touched upon friendships going awry, but when there is potential for your marriage to fail, that is even scarier than the prospect of having no friends. In fact, another female friend mentioned that it bugs her that since she has lost weight, that people are paying more attention to her now instead of before. She is still the same person, but for whatever reason she is more, "acceptable" because she is thinner. My theory on that is Marilyn Monroe's statement, "If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best". I am in total agreement, but what happens if the person handles you at your worst and can't deal with you at your best?
My male friend, who for my own reasons and to protect him, will not be named (I am doing this because he knows that I am writing this, but I still feel that I need to protect his confidentiality), is getting ready to go through a divorce. Long story short, his wife was jealous of his weight loss and it caused some issues and now their marriage is over. He is telling me these things because he wants me to succeed at this and in my marriage. I am very appreciative of him telling me these things. He also has known me forever. It really is something to think about and now I know that I need to pay more attention to how this is not only effecting me, but my family including my child.
The reason why I mention these things in my blog posts, is that no one wants to address the bad things that may or may not happen with weight loss surgery. I am a realist, though I believe negative things are out there, I am going to do my best to NOT let my marriage end over a weight loss surgery. I'm still the woman my husband fell in love with and I intend to be her, only lighter from this point forward. , though I have had my moments while I was pregnant. I plan on keeping my promise...
No comments:
Post a Comment