Imitation is...

You were born an original. Don't die a copy. ~John Mason

If there is one thing that I try to instill in my students and my own daughter, it is: BE YOURSELF.  Being yourself and being true to yourself is so much more important than imitating people.   Lately, I have noticed that people have forgotten who THEY are and basically are a poor imitation of other people.  From appearances to child rearing to "keeping" up with the Joneses, people look at others to define who they are.  From a personal perspective, trying to keep up with anyone or be like anyone but yourself is pointless.  A great piece of advice that my father gave me as a kid is that there, "will always be someone better at something than you are".  The point he was trying to make was that I needed to do my best and put 100% into what I was doing instead of comparing myself to other people.  I think that among many other lessons, helped to shape me into being who I am today. 

I am currently teaching a Business and Business Ethics class and many of my students have brought up the fact that the reason why so many companies have failed has been because people decided to forgo ethics in order to "keep up with the Joneses".  To illustrate this point, I asked them all to contribute in regards to their thoughts on this.  I must mention that I have always been honest and transparent about my own failures and successes with my students, and it always pains me to see people headed down a path that I have walked.  However, many times I realize that after I have given the initial warning, they must live and learn, or else they are doomed to make the same mistakes. 

Here is a compilation of things that my students (ages 18-60) cited as reasons for the economic downturn and personal financial problems. I cannot tell you how many of them told me that they were in the financial mess they were in or currently in due to "trying to be like everyone else".

1. Not knowing the differences between a need and a want.

2. Trying to have everything that your neighbor has even though he and his wife are a two income family and make almost triple what you make.

3. Spoiling your kids when you can't afford to.

4. Trying to be like people when you have bills to pay and instead of paying the necessities having needs not available to you because you sacrificed for a want.  This particular student is older and cited a situation where a family member asked for money for groceries and to have their phone turned back on, but showed up with a new clothes and new hairdo.  He explained that he told her no and she was angry with him.

5. Complaining about not having money, but spending it on things that you shouldn't.

6. Paying off items just to go into debt.

7.  Not being responsible about reproduction and not planning for a child or children. 

8. Stiffing people money that was promised or creditors to go buy or look at items one cannot possibly afford.

9. Relying on school financial aid money to pay for extravagances.  The student that mentioned this stated that he ran out of money the first time that he went to school and had to pay off student loans before returning because he spent money on trips etc.

10. Living outside your means and believing that money can buy you happiness.

11. Ignoring the fact that you may be one place financially (not a good place), and the person your are trying to be like is in another place financially (well-off). 

12. Repeating the same mistakes twice much to the chagrin of those who have tried to give you advice.

13. Being a proverbial, "Single White Female" (the movie) and imitating someone to the point that you don't even know who you are.

14. Take a job no matter how menial, because to get somewhere in life you have to work hard and pay your dues. Hard work is rewarded eventually. 

15. Look for new opportunities, but don't forget the opportunities that were given to you to get where you are. Do the right thing, not what feels good at the moment.

16. Be yourself. 

17.  Don't ever walk off the job without giving a proper notice because you may need that bridge in order to find another job (student was relaying his experience about only working for a few days and giving up and quitting.  Later he found out that they were planning on training him for a management position). 

18. Being a cookie cutter won't get you noticed when it comes down to competing for a job. Find a way to do something that will get your noticed, not for doing it like everyone else, but by doing it your own way and being successful doing it! 

19. Learn from your mistakes.  If you can't, than at least let people hold you accountable for your actions, even if that means punching you in the face ( I wouldn't recommend this unless you want to go to jail, but this student says that he gave a friend permission to do this and since the guy boxes, he has always listened to him. Whatever works!!! ). 

I have explained to many people about my financial situation after my divorce from my ex-husband.  I literally had nothing.  He filed for bankruptcy and left me with every single bill that he could think of. So I did what my parents taught me to do... Work my tail off and I would be ok.  So I worked two jobs and one part time job to try to get out of the hole that he put he in.  I bought a used car and went back to the lessons that my parents taught me about budgeting and saving.  I became a coupon queen.  I learned to walk most places. I stayed home often but found ways to have fun without having much.  I found joy in the small things.  I spent time on working on me, so that I wouldn't feel like I had to be anyone else.  The worst part is that I was poor... almost poverty poor.  Because of my financial situation the year before, when I was married, I was ineligible for any type of assistance.  I couldn't even get food stamps... And I was broke.... Instead of sitting there and feeling sorry for myself, I decided to make a change.  I cut all extras and it was not easy.  I concentrated on my education and becoming a better person.  I also vowed to never forget who I was.  I had to get food from the food shelf because I had no money except to get to and from work.  I also had nearly bald tires, old clothes, and became a frequent visitor and Aldi's and Goodwill.  I consulted my parents for coupon advice etc.  And to my credit, I did not borrow a dime or move back home even though the option was available.  And believe me there were times that I wished I could. Somehow through all this, God provided for me.

There are days when I look back and am amazed that I made it to this point in my life.  But the one thing that I have never done is rolled over and played dead!  I sometimes have an issue with people who don't realize how good they have it and then complain about what they don't have.  I also sometimes take issue with people who think that they have to keep up with others. It may be unfair but I honestly believe that to get somewhere in life, you HAVE to be yourself! There is nothing more telling than a person who goes and spends money on things that they can't afford, but still owes others.  My parents taught me that ethically and morally that is wrong, but to also give to others without expecting anything in return.  What about people who take advantage of the goodness of others? Well let's take a lesson from my students...

Through this class, many of them noted that the financial and personal failures they have experienced in life, have been because of trying to imitate people.  Please understand that though I do lecture, I often let the students "teach" the class and take key points with real life examples to share.  I am amazed at their strength and perseverance when they think that they aren't doing so well.  The biggest thing is that I have seen many of them grow in ways that I wish my own friends and family members would.  Often they thank me for being so open and honest with them, but I have to say that they teach me something every day. This semester, the most important thing that I learned from THEM, is that though imitation is the highest form of flattery, it can be someone's undoing. So go out there and be yourself!!! You are unique and a wonderful person, but no one is ever going to see that until you start being you!!!