So ever since we have lived in Ellsworth, I have not really wanted to walk in town. Partly because I was embarrassed because I was so fat, and secondly because the hills are horrendous. Well, last night, I got enough courage to go and speed walk with Bill. Since Chloe is up North at my in laws, last night was the perfect time to do this. So we walked 3 miles in an hour.... And boy, was it hard making it home... We went quite far considering that I wasn't so sure about it. I am glad that we did because I think that my husband sees that I am really serious about this. I am grateful to him that he pushed me to have the surgery. I was so worried that people would think that I was taking the easy way out, that I couldn't see a way out. He quietly started researching my options but never pushed me until I was ready. Then he stuck by my side, when I made the decision.
Yes, it has not been easy, but yesterday was easier than I thought it would be... And though it was tough (Ellsworth has WAY too many hills)... I did it. One thing that Bill said last night stuck me with me. "You are too stubborn to quit."... I think that sums me up totally. I am too stubborn to quit... I put 100% into everything that I do and my perfectionist tendencies do serve me well. For all the people, who still read my blog for signs of weakness, feel free to. We are all weak at one time or another, but it HOW we rebound from the weakness that defines us.
Last night's small victory may not seem like much to some. Especially those people who would love nothing than to see me fail at this, but I am going to shoot straight. Knowing that people DO want me to fail, only makes me stronger. You see, instead of using stress negatively, I use it as a positive motivator. Keep on talking and keep on criticizing, because when it gets back to me, it is fuel for my determination! You think you might know me, but you do not know me well because if you did, you would see that I am, have been, and always will be a fighter with a determined spirit. Stress motivates me... I thrive under stress... Why do you think that I have so many things going on at once? If I could learn to ride a bicycle in a day at 4 years old, losing this weight is NOTHING!!! All I have to say to the haters is: THANK YOU!!!! You keep talking and I keep walking... And also, as my Grandmother Rosalie would say, "Shame on you!"
For those of you on your own journey: Use stress to your advantage... Let it be a motivator instead of a spirit breaker. Doubters and naysayers WANT you to fail, so they can say things like, "See I told you that you would never succeed!". Don't give them the satisfaction of being able to cut you down like that. You are important and you DO matter and even if your struggles are small to some, they matter to you. Don't let anyone cut you down for you doing what you know is right. Having gastric bypass was right for me. It isn't, hasn't, and won't be for other people, and I recognize that. One of my friends started the process and decided that it wasn't for her. The great thing is that she recognizes that even though it wasn't for her, it is ok that it was for me! I appreciate that support and honesty. And I have never felt like I did the wrong thing since I have so much support.
For those of you supporting someone on their journey: Be positive, without judgment. People need to hear that they are doing well or that they look good. It's human nature! Yes, it can be embarrassing sometimes but also a GREAT motivator to the person you are supporting! In the long run, you will see how your encouragement and support can help someone else! Yes, some days are harder than others, but having the support of a few good, true, honest, and trustworthy friends makes the difference. Be a support and help someone else be too stubborn to quit!!!
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