Tackling Misconceptions...

"The spirit, the will to win, and the will to excel are the things that endure. These qualities are so much more important than the events that occur." 

Vince Lombardi

As I read comments on my Facebook and in basic conversation with people, I have realized that people  have no clue that the bariatric surgery is a TOOL, not an end all cure all.  From day one, my surgeon and dietitians, and all bariatric staff reinforced that this is merely a tool! However, the general public thinks that you have your stomach stapled and you lose weight and everything is great!  Nothing could be further from the truth!  If you have been following my blog, then you know that I have had ups and downs as a result of this surgery.  BUT... let me take you through a day in my life!

5:30 am.  I am up and off to either take a shower or start my morning routine.  I tend to drink anything I am going to before breakfast and while I take my vitamins and supplements.  My vitamin consists of a prescription pre-natal that I take three times a day.  I also take a B-complex and follow that with Biotin and Calcium with D.  If this is a Monday morning, I take a prescription "horse pill" D vitamin too.  If it is the 1st or the 15th of the month, then I must take a B-12 injection.  Mind you, this is how I start my day off.


As I get ready for work and get Chloe ready for daycare, I cook either egg whites with protein powder or I do a high protein shake.  I am to get almost 100 grams of protein in a day along with at least 64 ounces of water.  Now my stomach is the size of a walnut so I have to figure out how to get this by eating minimeals AND by waiting 30-45 between eating and drinking.  I do not come to the table with anything to drink, which is why I drink my coffee with my vitamins and supplements. Then I head to work.

Throughout the day, I take two more chewable calcium pills with D, and another prenatal vitamin while either consuming a high protein shake or protein bar.  Now also keep in mind that I am limited to 500 calories a day.  So generally the night before I am planning my meals for the next day.  All the while, I am logging my calories to make sure that if I go over, I have a way to burn those calories.  I also work anywhere from 9-12 hours a day at the university and I travel between two campuses as well as make employer and community visits.  Somehow I find time to eat and there have been some days that I have actually forgotten to eat.

As I drive home, I am still consuming my water.  I am also thinking about what I am going to feed Bill and Chloe for dinner, since they cannot eat the way that I do.  Once I arrive home, if I have not already put something into the CrockPot, I am start dinner.  After we eat dinner as a family, Bill and I either have homework or we have bills to set up through bill pay, laundry to do, showers, bedtime routine with Chloe, reading with Chloe and a plethora of other items to do.  In the midst of it all, I find time to either train for my 5K or do my coreconditioningtraining.com fitness routine.  This lasts for about 1/2 hour.  Then I take my last vitamins, muscle relaxer, and water and I work on whatever else didn't get completed that day.  Then it is time to put Chloe to bed and then I usually shower, if I have not and go to bed.  Only to start the same routine again tomorrow.  The weekends are the same, only every other weekend I have doctoral classes and then I generally am there all day.

The shining moment is my Friday that I get off each week, unless a professional development seminar, inservice, or meeting takes place.  Then I also must attend those with my little routine in place and try to find time for me in all of this.  All to often I start a book, only to finish a month later.  Yes, me the girl who could read up to five books in a day when I was younger!  I tell you all this because I think that people think that you get the GBS and you lose weight while eating whatever you want and without having to exercise.  That is probably the biggest misconception of all!  I have seen way too many people get this surgery and never exercise, only to gain the weight back!  I do NOT want to be a statistic or a failure.  I will say that it is irritating that people think that I have nothing to do with the weight loss at all.  I wish you could live in my head for a day when I look at the skin that is sagging and stretched out and I started putting myself down for even having lost the weight.  Or when I still can't wrap my head around the fact that I AM NO LONGER plus sized but I still feel huge.  Or when I decide that this week, I need to go see my counselor who works only with bariatric patients because of the psychological effects of having gone through such a transformation.  I liken it to waking up one day and living in someone else's body!

I wish that I could scream from the mountain tops that I HAD to do this or I was faced with death.  I wonder if that would change people's perception or not.  That is part of the reason why I am writing this blog.  So that people will stop judging people who chose to have bariatric

So let me say in conclusion.  I have done this by myself, with a tool called bariatric surgery.  Regardless, I know that people will still judge me or think less of me because of my decision.  And you know what?  I really don't care, because I did it for my family and for me.  I would have had to have lived with the knowledge that I had an opportunity to do something about it and I failed to do so. So if you are reading this and you feel inclined to judge me or others like me, please remember, that this is a heck of a lot harder than anyone ever can explain to you.  It is not only physically exhausting, but it is mentally, psychologically, and spiritually taxing.  If it wasn't for my husband, family, and close friends and the opportunity to educate people about this process, I think that I would probably have opted NOT to do this.  I will end by saying, how someone chooses to do something in life is entirely up to them and whether they succeed or fail is up to them as well.  I don't care what anyone says though, because I intend to succeed at this!!!! Now excuse me while I go run my two miles...

I Did It!!! Too Stubborn To Quit...

So ever since we have lived in Ellsworth, I have not really wanted to walk in town.  Partly because I was embarrassed because I was so fat, and secondly because the hills are horrendous.  Well, last night, I got enough courage to go and speed walk with Bill.  Since Chloe is up North at my in laws, last night was the perfect time to do this.  So we walked 3 miles in an hour.... And boy, was it hard making it home... We went quite far considering that I wasn't so sure about it.  I am glad that we did because I think that my husband sees that I am really serious about this.  I am grateful to him that he pushed me to have the surgery.  I was so worried that people would think that I was taking the easy way out, that I couldn't see a way out.  He quietly started researching my options but never pushed me until I was ready.  Then he stuck by my side, when I made the decision.

Yes, it has not been easy, but yesterday was easier than I thought it would be... And though it was tough (Ellsworth has WAY too many hills)... I did it.  One thing that Bill said last night stuck me with me.  "You are too stubborn to quit."... I think that sums me up totally.  I am too stubborn to quit... I put 100% into everything that I do and my perfectionist tendencies do serve me well.  For all the people, who still read my blog for signs of weakness, feel free to.  We are all weak at one time or another, but it HOW we rebound from the weakness that defines us.

Last night's small victory may not seem like much to some.  Especially those people who would love nothing than to see me fail at this, but I am going to shoot straight.  Knowing that people DO want me to fail, only makes me stronger.  You see, instead of using stress negatively, I use it as a positive motivator.  Keep on talking and keep on criticizing, because when it gets back to me, it is fuel for my determination!  You think you might know me, but you do not know me well because if you did, you would see that I am, have been, and always will be a fighter with a determined spirit.  Stress motivates me... I thrive under stress... Why do you think that I have so many things going on at once? If I could learn to ride a bicycle in a day at 4 years old, losing this weight is NOTHING!!! All I have to say to the haters is: THANK YOU!!!! You keep talking and I keep walking... And also, as my Grandmother Rosalie would say, "Shame on you!"

For those of you on your own journey:  Use stress to your advantage... Let it be a motivator instead of a spirit breaker.  Doubters and naysayers WANT you to fail, so they can say things like, "See I told you that you would never succeed!".  Don't give them the satisfaction of being able to cut you down like that.  You are important and you DO matter and even if your struggles are small to some, they matter to you.  Don't let anyone cut you down for you doing what you know is right.  Having gastric bypass was right for me.  It isn't, hasn't, and won't be for other people, and I recognize that.  One of my friends started the process and decided that it wasn't for her.  The great thing is that she recognizes that even though it wasn't for her, it is ok that it was for me!  I appreciate that support and honesty.  And I have never felt like I did the wrong thing since I have so much support.

For those of you supporting someone on their journey: Be positive, without judgment.  People need to hear that they are doing well or that they look good.  It's human nature! Yes, it can be embarrassing sometimes but also a GREAT motivator to the person you are supporting! In the long run, you will see how your encouragement and support can help someone else!  Yes, some days are harder than others, but having the support of a few good, true, honest, and trustworthy friends makes the difference. Be a support and help someone else be too stubborn to quit!!!

Progress!!!

Progress!!!

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Betrayal and Backstabbing....

Success:  To laugh often and much, to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children, to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends, to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others, to leave the world a bit better, whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.  This is to have succeeded!  

~Ralph Waldo Emerson

It took me awhile to determine how I was going to approach this subject because inevitably this subject riles people up, but I would rather speak truthfully about my thoughts about this than stew.  Since I have had this surgery, I have really found out who my friends are. I have also found out that people I have trusted in the past have not been so trustworthy as I thought.  This is a huge disappointment to me, but also a lesson learned.  Why am I even broaching the subject? Because I know a lot more about who is bashing me and telling my personal business than I let on.  Someone once told me a very wise thing: If someone finds it easy to talk about others to you, then they are probably doing the same thing to you. So let's tackle some of the issues I have encountered since I had my gastric bypass.

One backstabber has told multiple people that she is against gastric bypass and that I took the easy way out.  If you have read my blog to this point, you know that it has not been easy. Said person had the nerve to tell me before hand that she was proud of me for doing it and even  supposely said a prayer or two for me before the initial surgery. All I have to say is that I really don't care what she thinks about me.  I'm doing this for MY reasons, not hers. And nothing she says is going to change my journey! Personally if we are going to talk about fake, I could totally start, but that is all I am going to say.  If you take the time to get to really know me-which few do- I am pretty transparent and straightforward.  I would suggest that this person read the dictionary to find out what "fake" means and see how it completely applies to her.  

I cannot tell you how many times, people have told me about people talking about my weight loss to them negatively but those same people are the ones encouraging me to my face. From former friends from WTE to current acquaintances and family, my personal life must be SOOOO interesting to be discussed so frequently.  Just come clean, if they have an issue, then they should be honest.  I would much rather someone tell me to my face that they don't agree than act like they do and they say something completely different to other people. If I'm offended, I'll get over it in short: Jealousy does not make you look attractive and neither does the backstabbing. If I am so horrible for doing this, then why am I the topic of your conversation.  Seriously, I graduated from high school over 16 years ago and even then I had no tolerance for rude people.  How about people letting people live and let live.  Does my surgery directly impact you or them directly.  If not then bug off! 

Why can't people be truly happy for someone when they accomplish a goal?  Why do people think that it gives them the right to analyze and determine someone's motives.  If you ask me my motives, I will be very honest about it.  I wanted to be healthier for my family and myself... that's it in a nutshell.  I took over two years to make this decision and then went through another year long process to even get approved for the surgery.  For the naysayers who say that I could have done it through to diet and exercise, I say no way.  I have fibromyalgia which when I was heavier, was worsened by the weight and then exercise.  I did exercise and I did eat smaller portions etc.  Anyone who knows me well, knows that I am a very healthy eater and want my family to be as well.  Instead of judging someone, how about you ASK.  Of course asking is too hard, so people go around with their opinions about something that they know absolutely NOTHING about.  

If you haven't ever been overweight, then you have no clue why I am nor do you have to right to psychoanalyze me.  Just because you may have a degree in psychology does not mean that you know everything.  In fact, I had to have a psych eval BEFORE I had this surgery to make sure that I have the mental fortitude to be successful.  I also paid for this out of pocket- close to $1000 because my insurance would not pay for it. Everyone's motive for having any surgery should not be questioned.  However, it generally is so that people have fodder for gossip.  Take about fake.... Supposed compliments are thinly veiled but the sarcasm comes out and is noticed.  Like my mother says, "If you can't say anything nice, then don't say anything at all"... That is a good rule of thumb to live by. I prefer to be blunt and say simply, "Mind your own darn business"! 

Are people's lives so darn boring that they HAVE to talk about people?  I have cute some people out of my life due to this silliness.  I became disgusted with grown adults acting like children about trivial stuff.  I also do have friends who watch out for me and have told me when people are asking about me (who basically have either thrown me under the bus, read more into what I have said, or who are shady in general.  So far, I have figured out that there are several people who think it is great fun to talk about me.  Why haven't I deleted them cut my ties with them, because to me, it is more fun to mess with their pea brains than it is to be angry and freak out about their criticism. Sometimes you just have to feed the trolls in life!

I have found that people tend to criticize people for anything, as long as they get their two seconds of fame. The sad thing is that when a friend was recently criticized for something that was totally against her character, I defended her.  I knew the truth, but I wasn't about to let her business or reputation be sullied by a jealous former co-worker. In the past, I expected the same from my friends and acquaintances but honestly, I only know a few people who would actually go to bat for me if need be. This is disheartening but once again, I am thankful that my eyes are open to this now.

So what am I saying?  Well I am saying that I would rather have no friends than people who think that they are my friends but are just as guilty as others in regards to talking about and bashing me... With that said, true friends and true counsel are what matters.  I respect people who tell me what they think and feel, without there being an obvious angle. If your agenda is to befriend the former fat girl, forget it.  I am older and wiser and thankfully, more discerning than I have been in the past.  I also don't want other people to feel or hear what I have.  I can't shield people from the idiots of the world, but I was once told as a child, that if you want friends, you have to show yourself friendly... I would also add trustworthy. 

Unfortunately too many people in this world cannot be trusted because all they care about is themselves.   As I mentioned before, I am finding that more people care about themselves than their fellow man.  It is easier to bash and criticize than be adult and tell the truth.  Heck, if someone or any of the people I mentioned, had told me their thoughts, I still would have done what I did, but I would have at least validated what they had to say.  I was not afforded that chance and though life isn't fair, how fair is it for them to expect it out of me but do nothing about it themselves... I call that hypocrisy at it's finest.

So why do people betray and back stab?  Well there are so many reasons that I can't name them all. But some of the few are: jealousy, insecurity, discontent, envy, and anger.  Those are NOT qualities that I want in a friend or anyone that I consider a friend. All those items do is tear people apart. I would rather have 3 good friends than a million acquaintances. Be kind to one another.  Don't be nice just because you want someone to buy your good or service or be your friend on social networking sites or social gatherings.  Be nice because it is the RIGHT thing to do. Be nice because kind people are rare jewels these days.  Be kind because you never know how your kindness could impact someone today.  If you are in doubt about something someone has told you about a person that you thought or think you know well, then go straight to the source. If you have an issue with me or anyone else, come clean and be honest instead of making yourself look like a jackass....  

Most people are forgiving, but once you mess with their family, it is on!  And lastly, if you have fair weather friends like I mentioned, give them the boot.  Bluntly speaking: If you are dealing with toxic people like this in your life, get rid of them... Be confident in who you are and if you have done what you know to be right, then why worry about what others think? You will sleep better at night and be less stressed out at night. And honestly, just because someone wouldn't have chosen this route for weight loss doesn't mean that those of us who have are wrong or weak.  Some of the strongest people I know have done things the unconventional way and been stronger for it! Give them a break!!! Aren't we hard enough on ourselves without adding to someone else's misery?  Conversely, if you are a constant critic, eventually no one will come to for advice because you are so harsh.  Be constructive and remember that if your intent is to TRULY be constructive, then you will go to the person about your issues, instead of airing your issues with them in the court of public opinion!!! It's your choice!!!